Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
