i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
