Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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