i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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