Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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