Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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