my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
