I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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