I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
