you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
