If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they need to just BURY HIM!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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