jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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