my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
