I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize