Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
