the day after is always just damage control
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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