Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
