I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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