By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
