dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
