My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My ass is underappreciated
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
