i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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