I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
