You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
