They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
