Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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