I bet he comes in French.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
