3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My balls are so social today.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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