Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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