His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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