She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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