Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
