bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
