This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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