Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
