Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He better not be in your backpack
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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