oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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