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but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
