I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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