My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
