So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend