She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hey u leave my anime porn out of this