Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
3 2 1 whiskey
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.