Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sober January is a disaster.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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