Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize