I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
