3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
