so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
