hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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