I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
