the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
