i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
