my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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