You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
