you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
