it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
