Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
