Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
