this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
