You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
