I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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