you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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