yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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