we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
