A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
