I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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