Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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