I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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