why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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