In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
