i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
